Needle in the balloon

I am baack! (Also using a  German computer and constantly struggling with the keypad).

Vacation was great. I went home to Chapel Hill to see my parents and my sister Christine for 10 days. During that time I slept in (greatest feeling ever), ate, saw a few friends, and played in the lovely fluffy snow of North Carolina. I miss fat,slow flakes and it melting and still looking pretty. Not only has snow meant immense fun in my childhood, but even a few days off of school or early dismissals. And early dismissals meant one thing - getting to watch Garfield, which always annoyingly played the 30 minutes before I normally got back from school. During the vacation, we also looked for some bridesmaid dress potentials (my oldest sister is getting married in June in the Redwood forest of CA), went swimming in a pool, saw a musical version of the "Christmas Carol" (filled with "hahaha"s and "ho ho ho"s!) and went to a slightly awkward and half-entertaining German party (some of them my parents knew). Who knew you could gather so many Germans in one house in Chapel Hill.

Christmas Eve was nice. We went to a Moravian Lovefeast at our Church and caught up with some youth leaders and Christians I hadn't spoken to in years. We drank a warm German wine concoction (pronounced glue-vine), sang, and opened a few presents. Christine promised to either help me visit her in MN or come visit here, the best present she could've given me. If you're reading this Christine, now it's online so that means it's official.

For New Years I took a 9hour megabus ride down to DC to visit my college friend MaryBeth and see another college friend Sara. MaryBeth lives in a 7-person LVC (Lutheran Volunteer Corps) house and we bond over the pros and cons of communal living. New Years Eve we had plenty of wine before heading out to a dance club where we danced the whole night and met guys from Swaziland who had Macalester connections. The rest of the weekend was resting, watching the intense movie of "The Last King of Scotland" (very good), and walking around monuments and other DC neighborhoods. I had a really good time and I was a little scared of coming back to Plowshare.

But now I'm here and things are looking up. It was exciting to see everyone and catch up with the volunteers. I have officially moved into the Red House and though I'm still transitioning (new responsibilities, no longer involved with the Hill House which I miss, and very creepy and loud noises from my walls and the heater in my room) I think this will help me feel more involved in the communal living thing. My room is almost always a sunny golden (when it's light out, of course) because of the windows and direction it faces, which I love.

Last night we celebrated Epiphany. The whole community ate warm rice pudding, three people found an almond that made them one of the wise kings for the night. I and two others sang solos for the "we three kings" song and the Christmas tree was lit (REAL candles, ahh) for the last time. It's moments like these that fill me with peace and content - it all feels right.

I was talking to my volunteer friend, Natalie, about her vacation. She spent it on the farm and two of her friends visited her for a short time. She described the situation as these people from the outside popping her balloon, shocking her with the reality of the world that goes on outside of Plowshare. I feel this way when I visit my brother, Boston, or home, when I read the newspaper and remember that horrendous things, exciting political decisions, war, all of that is still going on. I use the internet only a few times a week, watch a TV show once a week, and when I have time and spot a newspaper on the farm, soak that up maybe once a week. In a way, it is nice. I can focus more on myself, on how to deal with people and social challenges, and on nature. And it's not like that this experience on the farm doesn't expose me to diversity - I have never worked with people with special needs before, nor known anything about anthroposophy, eurythmy, social therapy, certain crafts, etc., so my eyes are definitely being opened. Still, I sometimes crave a more consistent connection with the bigger world. It is hard to, in the time and energy that I have left in the day, choose running to a computer to look up news over hanging out with the volunteers. At Macalester, that type of thing was much easier to be exposed to. But then again, Macalester is also a bubble. So when will I not be in a bubble? Maybe I need to love my bubble just a little bit more.

P.S. My sister, Heide, is working on this project and needs to collect $1700 more to make it happen. Check out the website if you're interested or think you can help: https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=522-244